all right all right all right...
here we go "must win" game number 666... (might as well pick a spooky number, not spooky in the quantum physics sense of the... oh never mind...)
Since the only thing people seem concerned about these days is calling the board "thieves and liars", I'm gonna leave y'all to your hand wringing and pant wetting frustrations and just do my thing...
Here's the weekend games, how they might affect us and who I feel needs to win to benefit us...
Man Utd vs Liverpool
Don't care... if they could both lose 10-0 I'd be happy but don't have any control over the time/space continuum to make it happen...
Everton vs Brighton
Who'd have ever thought we'd be 4 points behind both of these teams with a worse goal difference? I guess the only thing we can hope for is that one of these teams wins and wins big to give us a chance to catch the one who loses.
Huddersfield vs Swansea
It's the battle of the 30 point teams... thanks to our shitty performance last week here we are sandwiched between these two.
This is similar (but worse) to the Everton/Brighton game. I'm guessing the only result that helps us is for one team to win by a shedload... so chalk up another 0-0.
Newcastle vs Southampton
Finally... two teams that are actually low than us in the table. but only by one and two points respectively... so a win for either might do us damage if we can't pick up three points tomorrow. Let's hope we get a win and these two actually do grind out a boring 0-0.
West Brom vs Leicester
Kinda got to hope for a Leicester victory just to drive a nail into anchoring From to the bottom of the table so there's only two spots for us to avoid.
West Ham vs Burnley
come on... it's Burnley... we're at 'home'... is there really any scenario where we don't stroll home with a bag of goals and three very welcome points? Umm... absolutely there is... we're West Ham... we're currently appalling... with a hopeless manager and a woefully underperforming team... and Burnley are 10 points and 7 places above us... It doesn't make me happy to write any of that...
Chelsea vs Crystal Palace
Last week Palace almost pulled off the welcome but unthinkable against ManUre... will they do the same against a Chelsea team that is not exactly setting the world on fire these days? Lets hope not because we need more daylight between us and Palace than the meagre three points that currently exist...
Arsenal vs Watford
Watford are 6 points ahead of us in the table... it's like we're living in some weird upside down world... except we're not. Arsenal need to continue the way they played in Europe this week and brush them aside so hopefully we end the weekend only three points behind the Hornets... jesus christ... is that really the height of our dreams these days?
Bournemouth vs Spurs
fupp me... this is the West Ham of 2018... hoping results go our way and that we can somehow pull level on points with Bournemouth. I mean, is there a more damning indictment of how crap we currently are than that?
Stoke vs Man City
surely there's no way City will take their foot off the Premier League's neck and allow Stoke to grab any points off them... will they? Yes folks, that's the state of the union...
Best we can manage this week is to rise all the way up to 12th...
Worst case scenario... we could be right on the edge of the relegation zone
woo fupping hoo!