Football joke

Two 80 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.

One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Sundays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,"Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike, Mike."

"Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe... "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there IS football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."

That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're in the team for this Saturday."

I'd like the punchline to be....

We're away at Hell on Saturday, and you're on their bench!

i liked that

And another (doesn't warrant creating a thread!) -





A Welsh Pompey fan on his 1st visit takes a wrong turn an gets lost.
He sees a policeman an asks “do you know the way to Fratton Park?”
Policeman says “yes - take next left, down hill, and turn right. You will see two queues,a big queue and a small queue.
Get in the small queue because the big one is for the chippy”

!

I'd have liked the punchline to have been "No, never heard that one before, but I do know the way to San Jose!" Boom boom!

and more footie ones ...



Maureen had had enough of Tim's obsession;
"Football, football, football!" she moaned, "that's all you ever talk about. It's your whole life. You never take me out. You never buy mepresents. You're either at a match or watching one on the box. I bet you can't even remember when our wedding anniversary is."

"Yes, I can," her husband retorted, "it's the same date that Real Madrid beat Manchester United in the Cup-Winners' Cup."

---------------------------------------

Wife:
'Football, football, football! That's all you ever think about! If you said you were going to stay at home one Saturday afternoon to help with the house' work, I think I'd drop dead from the shock!'

Husband:
'It's no good trying to bribe me, dear.'


---------------------------------------------

new ones ...



Messi is out at a bar, and flirting with a good looking woman. She invites him over to her house, and she goes into the bathroom, telling Messi to get comfortable.
She comes back and finds Messi laying in bed with 2 naked men. She exclaims, “What the hell is going on?!” to which Messi sheepishly replies:
“I’m sorry! I can’t perform without Xavi or Iniesta!”
                                                                           
 
I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Scotland job.  I knew it was a poor squad with no future, so I declined the offer.  I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.
                                                                                                 
 
Have you heard about the new Arsenal Bra?
It has a lot of support but no cups.


A guy pulls alongside a small boy on the pavement,
‘I’ll give you some sweets if you get in the car.’
‘No, leave me alone,’ the boy replies.
‘Come on, I’ll take you for ice cream later as well,’ he insists.
The boy suddenly stops and turns to the man and says,
F-off Dad, I’m not going to White Hart Lane again no matter what you say.’


My missus just split up with me because she thinks I’m obsessed with football.
I’m a bit gutted about it; we’d only been going out for 3 seasons.


The truth out - David Beckham has snubbed an extension to contract at Paris St. Germain, reasoning:
“German is a hard language to learn and I want to finish trying to learn American.”


Man United have rested Wayne Rooney, Robin van Persie and Howard Webb for next week’s game against Swansea.


Breaking news: Ceasefire in Syria as UN send in Fernando Torres – No shots reported so far.

This is the best read I've had since the end of the season!

I reckon Crystal Palace with last three seasons in the Premiership...

Autumn, winter and spring.