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Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was fucking skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."
Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk".
Husband says "that's not true .. Sometimes I want a kebab"
A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."
"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."
About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week the forms will only be printed in English.
My son was sent home from school for swearing today.
I said.... "what did you say"?
He said the c word.
I said..."that wasn't clever, was it"?
He said "no, it was c**t."!!!
A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence and it stretched.
After an hour in bed with her he said "How far across the field were you before you realised it was caught?"
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was fucking skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."
Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk".
Husband says "that's not true .. Sometimes I want a kebab"
A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."
"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."
About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week the forms will only be printed in English.
My son was sent home from school for swearing today.
I said.... "what did you say"?
He said the c word.
I said..."that wasn't clever, was it"?
He said "no, it was c**t."!!!
A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence and it stretched.
After an hour in bed with her he said "How far across the field were you before you realised it was caught?"
