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HOW TO ANSWER THE PHONE
◾If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
◾If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
◾If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
◾If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
◾If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
◾If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
◾If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
◾If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969.
◾If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
◾If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
◾If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
◾If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or during the beep. Please wait for the beep.
◾If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
◾If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
◾If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
◾If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up.
◾If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
◾If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
◾If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
◾If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
◾If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
◾If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
◾If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
◾If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969.
◾If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
◾If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
◾If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
◾If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or during the beep. Please wait for the beep.
◾If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
◾If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
◾If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
◾If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up.
