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Yaya Toure's Agent has presented Manchester City with a birthday wish list, for them to use if they're nice enough to Yaya for him to stay for another season:
1. A football-shaped birthday cake decorated with the words "Happy Birthday Mr Yaya, You Are Better Player Than Suarez Any Day" (NB: No Marzipan! Yaya hates marzipan more than he hates people who win awards that should have been his)
2. A Bugatti. Roberto Carlos got a Bugatti on his birthday so Yaya wants a Bugatti too. And a Ferrari. And 100ft of Hotwheels track to Brrrm them on.
3. A personalised birthday card from funkypigeon.com with a photo of Yaya scoring a goal and the caption "Yaya score another great goal!"
4. A birthday party. You hire Buckingham Palace for the party. Yaya wants party bags and pass the parcel (Yaya must win this so get someone good on the music and the prize must be a Rolex and some Maltesers)
5. Everyone must wear T-shirts with photo of Yaya scoring a goal and the words "Happy Birthday Mr Yaya, you are World's best player" and the players, manager and owners and the Queen must line up and shake Yaya's hand and if the Queen asks him "Have you come far?", Yaya will say "I have come from a small village in Africa where we play barefoot with a dead rat to become World's best player, so yes, I have come far!" and she must curtsy then.
6. Chicken nuggets
1. A football-shaped birthday cake decorated with the words "Happy Birthday Mr Yaya, You Are Better Player Than Suarez Any Day" (NB: No Marzipan! Yaya hates marzipan more than he hates people who win awards that should have been his)
2. A Bugatti. Roberto Carlos got a Bugatti on his birthday so Yaya wants a Bugatti too. And a Ferrari. And 100ft of Hotwheels track to Brrrm them on.
3. A personalised birthday card from funkypigeon.com with a photo of Yaya scoring a goal and the caption "Yaya score another great goal!"
4. A birthday party. You hire Buckingham Palace for the party. Yaya wants party bags and pass the parcel (Yaya must win this so get someone good on the music and the prize must be a Rolex and some Maltesers)
5. Everyone must wear T-shirts with photo of Yaya scoring a goal and the words "Happy Birthday Mr Yaya, you are World's best player" and the players, manager and owners and the Queen must line up and shake Yaya's hand and if the Queen asks him "Have you come far?", Yaya will say "I have come from a small village in Africa where we play barefoot with a dead rat to become World's best player, so yes, I have come far!" and she must curtsy then.
6. Chicken nuggets
