Chelsea vs WHUFC -- Sunday, April 8th, 2018

okay... gotta wait till sunday for our game to kick off... which means more time to see how the other games/results might/will affect us:


Everton vs Liverpool
even if I cared about either team there's no way I'll get up at 3:30am to watch this. I guess logically we want the 'Pool to win to keep Everton (somewhat) within each... but then the heart wants the bin dippers to get stuffed after their heroics of the week... so... ultimately... who cares?

AFC Bournemouth vs Crystal Palace
Well, this has to be a Bournemouth win for us. Nice to see a promoted team doing so well... but we really need Palace to not pick up any points because our run-in looks about as shitty as it could get.

Brighton & Hove Albion vs Huddersfield Town
This is a tricky one to call... Huddersfield are below us by 2 points so logic dictates they need to lose to stay below us... but then Brighton are only 1 point ahead of us so it would be nice to leapfrog them.. but if that happened then Huddersfield would have won, so we'd still be in the same place...
So... let's go for a draw... that way we could stay ahead of the Hudders... and we'd have a chance to leapfrog Brighton if we manage to beat the Chelski.

Leicester City vs Newcastle United
Gotta want Leicester to win. That way we could conceivably go ahead of the Toon with the right result.

Stoke City vs Tottenham Hotspur
This is why we hate football. We have to go for a Spurs win to keep Stoke rooted in the 2nd of the relegation spots. The sooner they and the Baggies are confirmed as relegated the more we'll all sleep (a little) easier.

Watford vs Burnley
I feel there's zero chance of us catching either team... but Burnley are further ahead so maybe they should get the win.

West Bromwich Albion vs Swansea City
I want the Baggies to win this. I think they're down for the count no matter what happens... and Swansea are just too close for comfort.

Manchester City vs Manchester United
Don't care... honestly, it's even an effort to type this.

Arsenal vs Southampton
The Arse have to win this... we need Soton to get the old "nil point' (sounds better if you say it Eurovision style)

Chelsea vs West Ham United
I don't care about rivalry... I jus care about West Ham... 3-0 to the Irons please.

And there you have it... if these results all go the way I want them to, could be a good weekend.

Antonio is out for the season... typical West Ham

Lanzini and Collins are also both injured... although Hernandez has apparently recovered from what ails him... which is funny because I'm not sure there's a cure for "Moyes just doesn't like me" disease.

well... the results didn't exactly go the way we wanted, at least not many of them.

we're still stuck in 14th but have a couple of games in hand over most of the teams around us... if only our run in wasn't so awful.... that might be some source of comfort.

well the day start on a sad note... not just cos Hart is in goal for some reason....

Ray Wilkins will get a well deserved minute's silence before kick-off... scariest thing about that is... he's a year younger than me!!!! When was Ray Wilkins ever younger than me?
He wasn't... phew.... the lady on the telly got his age wrong.... or maybe I'm going a bit mutt...

fupp me, life gets scary as you get older.


Okay, so we have one 'easy' game out of our last 7 or 8 or whatever it is stands between us and potential going out of business...

ugh, god... that shitty song Chelsea play when they come out... I remember that getting the school disco shut down because it was played by a bunch of kids while singing the witty lyrics "skinheads are back, sieg heil!" - oh boy... what night that was...
Those are the things that happen when you grow up in Essex.
Needless to say, I've never liked that song since and can't understand why anyone else would.

West Ham fans singing up Stamford Bridge as the minute silence comes to an end.

Apart from Hart in goal, we have Fernandes replacing Antonio.

We need something from this fixture... but history is not on our side...

24 Chelsea wins
12 West Ham wins
7 Draws

Chelsea hogging the possession a the game starts

excellent... Arnie gets a knock in three minutes... he's hopping a bit... hopefully he can shake it off.

The defense are trying to smother everything that comes in but Hazard gets a shot through from outside the area that is beyond Hart and fortunately just past the post

ooh, Mario almost snuck in past the defense but the ball to him was just too heavy...

Nobes dispossess a chelsea player who was dawdling on the ball...

see... that's what we should always do, no matter how we play... get at them...

Arnie seems okay... he wins a corner from a Massuaku cross

Corner to us...

ugh... perfect corner, dropped right on the line in the 6 yard box and we only had Rice in a position to challenge for it...

Wilkins also gets a round of applause at minute 8

West Ham free kick goes high wide and nowhere to no one - much the same as a Kayoute cross minutes earlier...

We have to do better with our possession

See, now that's the ticket...

long, cross field pass from Massuaku that's inch perfect to Arnie in the penalty area but Chelsea get in a block and it skitters out for a corner...

Ogbonna comes charging in, but can't get his head to it

so to counter the good... we win possession in our half then pas the ball straight to chelsea...

fortunately we scramble the ensuing attack to safety... but come on....

20 minutes gone. We're giving a decent account of ourselves and trying our best to get stuck in but we're still conceding too much to the players in blue...

Cresswell blocks a Willian shot... the corner goes nowhere.

Chelsea dance through our midfield and defense... fortunately they're offside when they play the final pass and although the ball slips easily between Hart's legs... it is blown for offside.

A big let off and a big warning

Chelsea have a corner...

we string some passes together...

make some tackles...

but it's all in our own half

and Chelsea just scrap past the post

29 minutes gone... at least we're still in it...

but the chelsea pressure is getting stronger and stronger...

Holy shit... credit where it's due... excellent save by Hart... one on one with Willian... but what the fupp... as the replay is on and i'm typing this... Chelsea back heel the ball into the corner of the net as Hart and the defense just seem to stand there and watch....

that's the thing... you really do have to be on it... the WHOLE TIME!!!!

3 mins to half time... Chelsea are on the front foot...

we're still having a lot of trouble finding how to pass to someone on our own team

we have moments of pluck and grit...

but we're a goal down and not looking like scoring

so... summation?

the internet thinks we're shit and can't believe how badly we're playing.

me?

I think we had a fair crack... maybe I've just seen us play so badly so many times that even this looks good to me.

we're behind and showing cosigns of getting anything but a fluke poached Arnie somethingorother...

If we had 11 Arnie's, we'd be in europe

Unfortunately we have 11 Nobles and we're in Brexit territory.

I know... I know... you all love Noble... I just mean that he's... okay... so 11 kay players isn't enough.

Noble and 10 better players... now you're talking...

noble and Arnie and 9 worse players... ugh... it's not going to work.

in case you're wondering... noble has been okay so far... nothing good, nothing bad...

Arnie and Massuaku see like the only ones with a real idea or concept of 'going forward'


2nd half underway... Noble booked within 30 seconds of the start...

cresswell does his ankle leaping with Willian... he's walking off but looks like he's gonna be subbed...

he's still playing but he looks like he's done...

oh jeez...


there you go...

Noble fizzes the ball out to the wing...

Massuaku heads it back...

The ball is played back out...

Massuaku hits hit straight back...

TO A CHELSEA player...

Chelsea swarm the defense... play neat little touches and the ball is in the back of the net...

fortunately...it is somehow ruled offside for the final ball...

but that one moment of about 20 seconds just completely sums up West Ham these days...

we're never more vulnerable than when we're in possession

P.S. the injured Cresswell is still playing...

Cresswell is now sat on the ground...

Evra is coming on...


Which fupping dickhead is in charge that makes a player run till he can't even stand before deciding to bring him off...

I guess Moyes thinking is that our run-in is so terrifying that we might just as well not have any fit defenders...

what a bunch of cunts...


well, the good news is that Cresswell can at least walk off unaided...

63 minutes gone.

Moses almost scores...

nothing much to report...

if people didn't like the first half then they'll be hating the 2nd...

Looks like Chicharito is coming on...

that's a a good move.. because we've had so many balls in the box...

Fernandes makes way for him, so that'll make the internet happy...

and that is why Moyes is a genius...

Chicharito scores... I wasn't even watching..

looping Noble cross gets headed wide by the defense...

Arnie turns on it and plays it into the path of Chicharito who just basically passes it into the corner of the net...

oh dear...

game on...

I'm not sure anyone was expecting that at 74 minutes...

Here's the view from the Guardian:

80 min This is pulsating stuff now, with both teams trying to win it.


79 min: Great save from Hart! Alonso turned on the edge of the area and hit a sizzling rising drive with almost no backlift. Hart flew to his right and fingertipped it over the bar. That was a brilliant stop.


78 min Arnautovic, who has been outstanding in the last 15 minutes, skins Rudiger and hits a cross that deflects wide off Cahill.

The BBC sees it thus:

80 mins
CLOSE!
Chelsea 1-1 West Ham
What a strike! Olivier Giroud lets it run to Marcos Alonso on the edge of the box and the Chelsea man unleashes a ferocious strike which is heading into the top of the net.

Joe Hart does brilliantly to get his fingertips on it and tip it over the bar.

Cullen coming on for Mario...

5 minutes plus stoppages...

it's all still to be won...

lost or drawn, I suppose...