Caerdydd vs WHUFC -- March 9th, 2019

Bore da cores y paeldrwydd....

can't remember how to spell football in Welsh...

anyway... fupp me...

3 minutes gone and we just conceded to the worst team tin the premier league...

Ball down the wing to an unmarked player... gets to the byline... crosses in to an unmarked player on the edge of the 6 yard box and the ball is turned neatly into the net...

embarrassing...

As much as Ilove Cardiff, I hate Neil Warnock and Cardiff couldn't beat an egg these days...so to look at this game as anything other than a 'must win' or a complete walk over would be missing the point...

but we're good old West Ham...

and here we are... a goal down in less than 5 minutes...

with Diop scrambling back to save another gilt edged opportunity by deflecting for a corner...

fortunately the ball sails over the heads of all those unmarked players in the West Ham penalty area...

Who exactly is this shower of shit we have playing for us today...?

1 Fabianski
24 Fredericks
23 Diop
21 Ogbonna
3 Cresswell
41 Rice
11 Snodgrass
16 Noble
10 Lanzini
8 Felipe Anderson
17 Hernández

my god (said in my most Reggie Perrin of tones) they're all useless today...

any hope on the bench?

4 Balbuena
7 Arnautovic
13 Adrián
14 Obiang
18 Nasri
26 Masuaku
30 Antonio

I know I hate him... but where the fupp is Carroll?

Does his contract state he only needs to put in one appearance a season to keep getting paid?

fupping hell.. not even on the subs bench... again?

Take Anderson off and bring on Antonio...

Bring on Arnautovic if he's fit... we need someone who ties, at least a little


oh jesus... Cardiff almost score again... Fabianski comes out to meet a backless? on the edge of the area... can't have been a backless... he dives for it but misses it and the Cardiff player lofts it over the bar instead of into the empty net...

I need to go see what the stats are for this pigs ear...

apparently we've had 49% of the possession in the first 15 minutes - so it seems like the stat machine is as fupping useless as we are - unless we get added time for picking the ball out of the net...

it's 5 shots to zero in favor of Cardiff...

just shocking...the west ham fans are standing as motionless and silent on the terraces as the defense was for the goal...

17 minutes gone...

Bodies are scattered everywhere as the Ref tries manfully to play the advantage... not sure to whom...

West Ham are like a bunch of headless chickens out there...

Yes, Cardiff are up for it... yes, they're fighting for their lives...

none of that matters...

we can't string a pass together...

Noble is the boss in midfield - THAT'S how piss poor we are... pirouetting around for no reason, never playing a ball forward... completely missing his passes...

halfway through the first half and we'll be lucky to escape 0-1 if this keeps up.

Cardiff player gets it in the 'nads and is poleaxed...

but his bollix are better than the bollix we're playing... ball out for a corner... oooh-errr missus!!!!!!

Anderson is so pointless these days... how is he in the team?

Y'all know my thoughts on Noble...

Lanzini is barely back from a year out...

yes ladies and gentlemen... THAT is our midfield.

Everton have taken the lead against Newcastle... so in a weekend where there's no sway for us to move up the table and the only possible movement available to us is to drop a place...

yes... if you'd picked "West Ham will fupp everything up and drop a place" in the weekend sweepstakes... you might as well claim your prize now because we are showing zero signs of getting out of this one...

WHUFC actually put on an attack... Anderson lofts the ball into the 6 yard box for a jogging Noble to completely not turn up for...

Cardiff throw almost results in another goal thanks to our world class defensive uselessness....

the stats machine on the BBC is showing us as having 66% of the possession...

you can hear the cockney boys (and ladies0 singing bubbles... it's a soft sad rendition...

but erm... no...

Anderson plays another ball into the 6 yard box... we're such little threat, even with Chicharito running on, that the Goalie just lets it bounce off his chest... doesn't even bother to make a save...

In other news... Newcastle get a penalty against Everton... miss it... then Everton go up the other end and score... so they're definitely angling for tenth spot...

We have a different approach and set of priorities as Chicharito gets booked for diving in the penalty area...

West Ham try to take advantage of a downed Cardiff player by attempting the old try a shot from the halfway line to see if we can catch their keeper off his line lie they do against us...

it goes nowhere near the goal...

Here's a bit from the Guardian...


"At Cardiff, Javier Hernandez has been booked for simulation after a swan dive. Good to have West Ham back. Great one week, a circus act the next."

Here's how the BBC saw the long-range effort...


"39 mins
Cardiff 1-0 West Ham
Mark Noble thinks he sees Neil Etheridge off his line and tries one from 45 yards.

Etheridge is not off his line and simply catches it.

Audacious from the Hammers skipper."

4 minutes of added time to extend the agony of the first half...

Fabianski holds onto a Cardiff shot -- good job too because there were two Cardiff players running n after it... not a fupping defender in sight btw...

That's the end of a really half of football...

Arnie joins us for the start of the 2nd half... Anderson makes way... finally, someone other than me realizes how piss poor Anderson is...

6 minutes gone in the 2nd half... I was gonna write it's all Cardiff and all the same as the first half...

and they've only bloody gone and scored...

yup...

0-2 down to the poorest team in the league...

appalling defending...

there's no way out of this one...

Here's how those people at the Guardian saw it:

"Goal! Cardiff 2-0 West Ham (Camarasa, 52)

More horror defending from the Hammers, as Camarasa, who had a hand in Cardiff’s first goal, squeezes the ball past Fabianski."

People are claiming the Cardiff goal was offside... I'm typing too much to pay attention to the details of the game... suffice it to say... Cardiff have had 10 shots, 4 on target... we've had 2 and that's being generous...

and as I type that... Cardiff burst through our defense but somehow their forward lost the balls over the dining Fabianski but wide of the post...

could have been 0-3...

Lanzini is off... subbed not set off... Antonio deputizes...

Noble (thank fupp for that) is off... is it Nasri on for him?

Cardiff almost score again as I try to figure things out...


point blank save by Fabianski keeps us (as tenuously as possible) in the game...