WHUFC vs Stoke -- monday, April 16th, 2018

yeah... get the entire weekend to sleep in... very welcome.

which means... as the final match of this 'round' as the Americans like to call it... we'll know exactly where we stand and exactly how precious three points can be.

this is also probably the last 'winnable on paper' game of the season for us... so if we don't sign off with three points then we might as well give up.

and since we'll know exactly how the other games have gone by the time we kick off... let's have a look to se how we'd like them all to go...


Southampton vs Chelsea
possibly one of the most important games of the weekend. We need Soton to get relegated, which would seem like a formality against Chelsea... but then Chelsea have been so useless recently that this could be a banana skin for them - and consequently us.

Burnley vs Leicester
would you adam and eve it? Leicester and Burnley, two names you'd never really think would be teams we have no chance of catching up with. Apart from that depressing factoid, this game means nothing to us.

C Palace vs Brighton
difficult one to call... Brighton are a point above us, Palace 3 points below. It'd be great to not be unable to catch a bunch of promotion chancers like Brighton... but I feel this season is all about filling the relegation spots rather than anything else. So let's get Brighton the win to help cement Palace down at the bottom in 17th or 18th place... we can aspire to being as good as Brighton some time in the future.

Huddersfield vs Watford
similar to the previous fixture... Watford are 2 points ahead of us, Huddersfield three points below... so we have to apply the same logic and go for the Watford win to keep Huddersfield down below us. We're not even going to catch Watford this season!

Swansea vs Everton
Big Sam needs to do us a solid and smash the Swans. Everton need the win... and we need them to get it. Every team below us needs to lose and lose as big as possible this weekend. Come on Big Sam Allardyce you're our only hope.

Liverpool vs AFC Bournemouth
wow... even catching Bournemouth is unlikely this year... so this game means nothing results-wise.

Spurs vs Man City
don't care

Newcastle vs Arsenal
fupping hell... even Newcastle - who at one point seemed certs for relegation - are potentially out of our reach

Man Utd vs West Brom
this is the kind of game that the Brummies could win... it's also the game that could send them down and fill one of the dreaded relegation spots... so we have to go for a United victory no matter how bad a taste in the mouth you get just from saying that.


and there you have it.

I'll be back monday lunchtime.

well all the results pretty much went south on us... although it does raise the intriguing possibility that come tuesday morning, we could be 12th in the table...

Top half finish, 3 pints against Stoke and Everton, and 0-0 draws with Citeh, manure,  Fracinal and  Leicester! 10 pts takes us to 44 and 10th place. 
OR we lose all six and go down with a whimper 

mottinghammer wrote:Top half finish, 3 pints against Stoke and Everton, and 0-0 draws with Citeh, manure,  Fracinal and  Leicester! 10 pts takes us to 44 and 10th place. 
OR we lose all six and go down with a whimper 

yup... that or something in between

okay... so the Brummies did what the Toon did and won against higher placed opponents - so can we continue the trend and lose to Stoke or do what needs to be done and bag three much needed points?

Okay... Hart continues in goal...

Lanzini and Carroll make it to the subs bench...

Mario and Arnie lead the attack...

Rice, Ogbonna and Cresswell are three at the back with Zab and Masuaku either defending deep or racing down the wings...

and the middle of the park will be bossed by Kouyate, Noble and Fernandes

hmmm... the telly has us with a 4-3-3 formation with Fernandes up top with Mario and Arnie

sorry for the lack of updates...

that's the problem with games on in the middle of a work day... business phone calls... so been half arching most of the first half with the sound off...

nothing really to report... we're hardly the dynamic free-flowing attacking and dominant home team...

it's all pretty... meh to be honest...

both sides have had chances... most of the game is mired in the middle of the park... no one and nothing is standing out...


you'd hardly think we have a pressing need for three points based on what's being served up...

wasted free kick over everyone's heads and into the hands of the Stoke keeper...

2 minutes to half time... this has been pretty dire so far.

stoke have had 4 shots on target so far... we've had 2

that really sums up everything

no changes as the 2nd half begins... no Chicharito, no Lanzini, no Carroll... same old same old...

fortunately Stoke trip over their own get... but they're the dominant team in this half...

you can hear a pin drop in the OS...

where is the crowd?

ball in the back of the net...

almost slow motion...

Cresswell to Arnie... nods the header pat the repairing keeper...

but it's OFFSIDE...

ugh...

at least it seems to have woken up the crowd a little...

it would be absolutely typical if every team around us manages a win and we scrape a draw against woeful opposition...

Carroll is warming up... so in a game where we've not played the long ball or had much of any business in the box... we'd bring on Carroll????

but not Chicharito who managed to score against Chelsea last week?

we really are fupping retarded

ball in the back of the net...

lots of dancing around outside the box... ball falls to Fernandes who shoots through a crowd


but it's ruled OFFSIDE


because Arnie is standing in the middle of the area right in front of the keeper and the ball get underneath him...


ugh

Crouch comes on...

so Stoke are going for the hopeless big guy route to success

we're upping the pressure... 8-0 in corners to us, 2-0 in disallowed goals... several free kicks...

can we make the pressure count?

77 minutes gone...

Peter Crouch scores....

he hasn't scored n how many games?

but of course... on hand are West Ham to gift undeserving fuckers whatever they want...


in case you're interested...

Hart completely fucks up the shot... can't hold the ball,,, drops it, tries to hurry it away but Crouch comes charging in and slots into the back of the net.

Stoke have shown nothing all game and Hart gifts them a goal and possibly the win...


Chicharito is on by the way... replaced Fernandes... because... yeah... because why?

Now Lanzini comes on to replace Massuaku...

fupp Moyes... fupp this team...

we deserve to go down... I hate to say it... but no one, not even the most deluded of us could ever say we don't deserve it if we get relegated... which on this performance is a right possibility...

another free kick... same result... slams straight into the wall...

surely we'll start practicing these things some day

and now Andy "I'm a useless waste of space and money" Carroll comes on for Mario

see... I called it... Carroll scores on 89 1/2 minutes to hopefully save the game...

I know... I know...

who the fupp knows anything about this stupid game...


4 minutes of stoppage time

I hope no one underestimates how fupping appalling Joe Hart is... he should never put on a west ham shirt again in his life

Ball in the back of the net...

Carroll chests down to Chicharito who slams a long range shot that the keeper can only deflect into the corner of the net...


but it's disallowed... for I think a foul by Carroll elbowing the player as he backed into him.




Shit... a stoke corner... into the box... Hart comes... completely misses it... out for another corner that Hart does actually catch as Crouch heads it into his arms...

there you have it

shit performance

shit result

basically shit all round

we should be ashamed...

Yesterday was best the useless squad of ours could manage. Still the important thing was denighing Stoke 3 points.
Got to say the refereeing was bad but again our midfield made Stoke look good.