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Monty Python's Flying Physio Room Part XV (Quarter of a Century!) West Ham...
27 September, 2011 - 08:36 — darrenharry
Monday 26 September…..Chadwell Heath……13:39…….glorious sunshine (cricket season is finished)……Sully noticed the door was ajar to Allerdice’s office, which was slightly unusual, but too tempting an offer to not have a look see, peruse the master plan for promotion if he wasn’t there “heaven knows he gives nothing else away and I’m supposed to be his boss” mused Sully. However, it became rapidly apparent the office wasn’t vacant, the sound of running water clear from the bathroom, Sully cursed himself, “Why do I always manage to time it so that he’s either washing down or on the crapper?”…Sully tiptoed back across the leopard skin rug to go out again, he’d had his share of Allerdice visuals that would last him a lifetime and he didn’t care for another. As he reached the door, the familiar, yet this time slightly melodic boom reached him…”Do ya rearlee wont too uurrt meeee?”….Sully froze, taken aback by this opening question, where had Allerdice got this from? “Ahem, erm, dear old chap, why do you ask that?” replied Sully, looking up at the ceiling…”Do ya rearlee wont ta maaake me craaaaaa?” returned Allerdice, slightly higher pitch this time…Sully was flummoxed by this one, since when did this man ever cry? “Erm, dear old thing I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about?” retorted Sully, folding his arms quizzically…”Preshyuss kisses wurds that burn meeeeee” bellowed Allerdice, again his voice an gone higher an octave or two…Sully retreated, he didn’t like this, he’d never seen Allerdice use a fork let alone cry or talk about kissing….he gulped and bead of sweat threaded its way down his forehead and founds its home in an arched eyebrow. “M, m, m Mr Allerdice, I’m sure I don’t know where this is coming from, whose words have burned you?” stammered Sully…..”Luverrs never ask yew whyyyy” boomed back Allerdice again. Sully felt his knees go weak, “Oh my dear lord above, did he just call us lovers?” Sully whispered to himself, his throat was dry, he was now shaking, Where had he got all of this from? Was it the constant questioning of the 4-5-1 system? (although Sully never dared to go there and he’d even convinced himself it was 4-3-3), Sully loosened his tie and wiped his brow with his pocket handkerchief, and then he heard the door.
Allerdice strode out, hand towel precariously wrapped around his waist that didn’t seem to be doing the job it was intended for. “Ow do chicken!” boomed Allerdice, Sully flinched at the volume, his right eye had now developed a slight twitch that had coincided with Allerdice’s appointment. Brody had started calling him Chief Inspector Dreyfus as a result, “Eeh ya got me there, bang to rights I am, I didn’t know thee were there! I luv a sing song in the shower, and ya cant whack a bitta Culture Club eh?!” Sully felt the wave of emotion wash over him, “Culture Club, of course it was”….he started to manically laugh to himself “Wotzo funnee lad?” enquired Allerdice, puzzled by this outburst, Sully wiped his face with his handkerchief, “No, sorry, nothing, I remembered something else, I’m sorry, that was rude of me”.
Sully looked up to the ceiling again as Allerdice turned his back and mouthed “Oh sweet Moses thank you” to the gods above. Allerdice sprayed his bottle of Blue Stratos all over and threw his towel in the laundry basket. Sully again looked up at the wrong time, Allerdice in full frontal like a grizzled Chewbacca, pulling his striped trousers straight on “Cant beeta bitta commando in this weather eh?!” Sully coughed, stunned at both the candidness and sheer brevity. “What’s up wit’ thee lad? Look lark ye’v seen a ghost or summit?!” asked Allerdice…..”No, no, nothing, everything’s fine” Sully looked up at the ceiling again......he had regained his composure after the initial shock, “bit too close Saturday eh?” he enquired, a question loaded with enough bait to draw Allerdice into debate, “Eee, neva in doubt lad, weren’t too posh to push were they either eh?!” chuckled Allerdice, “Quite” returned Sully “But never the less the natives are making waves about the, how shall I put it, the lack of flexibility, Corlton seems a tad isolated wouldn’t you say?” Sully tilted his head to the side, pleased with his line of questioning. Allerdice sensed the atmosphere had changed and didn’t like it. Water still dripping from his hairy, bare shoulders he slowly walked over Sully, “Is that rart petal, peepul don’t lark 3 points eh? New one on me lad. Now, correct me if arm wrong, but yew and the fonz demand promotion do yee not?” Allerdice was inches from Sully’s face now, Sully too could sense the atmosphere had changed, but not to his advantage. “Well, yes obviously that’s paramount” stammered Sully “Don’t bluddy start yewsin’ cleva wurds wit’ me pickle, lark ah said on day wun, my way or’t highway, do we understand each uvva?!” Allerdice growled……Sully had backed so far into the door he could feel the handle rubbing harshly against his shoulder pads. “Of course my dear fellow, please, you misunderstand, I obviously agree with everything you’re doing, I just didn’t want you to feel unsupported” Sully blabbed, “Always here for you, you know that” Sully added. Allerdice stepped back, “Eeh, then we don’t ‘ava problem do we?!” and grinned, the look that scared Sully more than anything else. “Reet flower, I’ve got to make tracks, takin’ Doreen out furra chinese, all yew can eet boofet, £9.99” exclaimed Allerdice as he walked over to his Goodman’s stacking system. Perusing his collection he flipped out the CD he wanted and slid it into the player “Well, please, don’t let me keep you, have a lovely evening and I look forward to the game tomorrow tonight” backtracked Sully, turning and sliding out the door.
Allerdice turned to his shaving mirror and slapped on his Brut Brut eau de cologne, shaking his backside in rhythm as Lady Gaga agreed that he was “Born this Way”………………………………….
27 September, 2011 - 08:36 — darrenharry
Monday 26 September…..Chadwell Heath……13:39…….glorious sunshine (cricket season is finished)……Sully noticed the door was ajar to Allerdice’s office, which was slightly unusual, but too tempting an offer to not have a look see, peruse the master plan for promotion if he wasn’t there “heaven knows he gives nothing else away and I’m supposed to be his boss” mused Sully. However, it became rapidly apparent the office wasn’t vacant, the sound of running water clear from the bathroom, Sully cursed himself, “Why do I always manage to time it so that he’s either washing down or on the crapper?”…Sully tiptoed back across the leopard skin rug to go out again, he’d had his share of Allerdice visuals that would last him a lifetime and he didn’t care for another. As he reached the door, the familiar, yet this time slightly melodic boom reached him…”Do ya rearlee wont too uurrt meeee?”….Sully froze, taken aback by this opening question, where had Allerdice got this from? “Ahem, erm, dear old chap, why do you ask that?” replied Sully, looking up at the ceiling…”Do ya rearlee wont ta maaake me craaaaaa?” returned Allerdice, slightly higher pitch this time…Sully was flummoxed by this one, since when did this man ever cry? “Erm, dear old thing I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about?” retorted Sully, folding his arms quizzically…”Preshyuss kisses wurds that burn meeeeee” bellowed Allerdice, again his voice an gone higher an octave or two…Sully retreated, he didn’t like this, he’d never seen Allerdice use a fork let alone cry or talk about kissing….he gulped and bead of sweat threaded its way down his forehead and founds its home in an arched eyebrow. “M, m, m Mr Allerdice, I’m sure I don’t know where this is coming from, whose words have burned you?” stammered Sully…..”Luverrs never ask yew whyyyy” boomed back Allerdice again. Sully felt his knees go weak, “Oh my dear lord above, did he just call us lovers?” Sully whispered to himself, his throat was dry, he was now shaking, Where had he got all of this from? Was it the constant questioning of the 4-5-1 system? (although Sully never dared to go there and he’d even convinced himself it was 4-3-3), Sully loosened his tie and wiped his brow with his pocket handkerchief, and then he heard the door.
Allerdice strode out, hand towel precariously wrapped around his waist that didn’t seem to be doing the job it was intended for. “Ow do chicken!” boomed Allerdice, Sully flinched at the volume, his right eye had now developed a slight twitch that had coincided with Allerdice’s appointment. Brody had started calling him Chief Inspector Dreyfus as a result, “Eeh ya got me there, bang to rights I am, I didn’t know thee were there! I luv a sing song in the shower, and ya cant whack a bitta Culture Club eh?!” Sully felt the wave of emotion wash over him, “Culture Club, of course it was”….he started to manically laugh to himself “Wotzo funnee lad?” enquired Allerdice, puzzled by this outburst, Sully wiped his face with his handkerchief, “No, sorry, nothing, I remembered something else, I’m sorry, that was rude of me”.
Sully looked up to the ceiling again as Allerdice turned his back and mouthed “Oh sweet Moses thank you” to the gods above. Allerdice sprayed his bottle of Blue Stratos all over and threw his towel in the laundry basket. Sully again looked up at the wrong time, Allerdice in full frontal like a grizzled Chewbacca, pulling his striped trousers straight on “Cant beeta bitta commando in this weather eh?!” Sully coughed, stunned at both the candidness and sheer brevity. “What’s up wit’ thee lad? Look lark ye’v seen a ghost or summit?!” asked Allerdice…..”No, no, nothing, everything’s fine” Sully looked up at the ceiling again......he had regained his composure after the initial shock, “bit too close Saturday eh?” he enquired, a question loaded with enough bait to draw Allerdice into debate, “Eee, neva in doubt lad, weren’t too posh to push were they either eh?!” chuckled Allerdice, “Quite” returned Sully “But never the less the natives are making waves about the, how shall I put it, the lack of flexibility, Corlton seems a tad isolated wouldn’t you say?” Sully tilted his head to the side, pleased with his line of questioning. Allerdice sensed the atmosphere had changed and didn’t like it. Water still dripping from his hairy, bare shoulders he slowly walked over Sully, “Is that rart petal, peepul don’t lark 3 points eh? New one on me lad. Now, correct me if arm wrong, but yew and the fonz demand promotion do yee not?” Allerdice was inches from Sully’s face now, Sully too could sense the atmosphere had changed, but not to his advantage. “Well, yes obviously that’s paramount” stammered Sully “Don’t bluddy start yewsin’ cleva wurds wit’ me pickle, lark ah said on day wun, my way or’t highway, do we understand each uvva?!” Allerdice growled……Sully had backed so far into the door he could feel the handle rubbing harshly against his shoulder pads. “Of course my dear fellow, please, you misunderstand, I obviously agree with everything you’re doing, I just didn’t want you to feel unsupported” Sully blabbed, “Always here for you, you know that” Sully added. Allerdice stepped back, “Eeh, then we don’t ‘ava problem do we?!” and grinned, the look that scared Sully more than anything else. “Reet flower, I’ve got to make tracks, takin’ Doreen out furra chinese, all yew can eet boofet, £9.99” exclaimed Allerdice as he walked over to his Goodman’s stacking system. Perusing his collection he flipped out the CD he wanted and slid it into the player “Well, please, don’t let me keep you, have a lovely evening and I look forward to the game tomorrow tonight” backtracked Sully, turning and sliding out the door.
Allerdice turned to his shaving mirror and slapped on his Brut Brut eau de cologne, shaking his backside in rhythm as Lady Gaga agreed that he was “Born this Way”………………………………….
