WHUFC vs Newcastle -- November 2nd, 2019

Blimey... it's November already... Halloween has come and gone...

but the one good thing to come out of the passage of time is that the ick off time works in my favor and I actually get the semi decent time of 8am to have to be up to watch the proceedings.

Of course, the downside is that I still have to watch West Ham and after the shitshows of the past weeks... it's not really something (anything to be looking forward to)

but that's what being a fan is all about... right?

I mean...

any road up... see y'all in the morrow...

I`ll be at work and won`t get home until just before Full-Time so hopefully come home to see that we have beaten or beating Newcastle this afternoon.

I know it won`t happen but I would like us to with 4-3-3 :
Roberto
Federicks
Diop
Ogbonna
Cresswell
Rice
Noble
Fornals
Snodgrass
Haller
Yarmolenko

......................................Roberto.......................................
Federicks..............Diop...........Ogbonna................Cresswell
.......................................Rice............................................
..........................Noble..................Fornals..........................
..............Snodgrass..................................Yarmolenko........
......................................Haller...........................................

well kick off we have... not looking particularly dynamic or comfortable...even though we're the home side...

Let's see how close you are to the actual starting 11 Arran...

West Ham v Newcastle line-ups:

West Ham: Roberto, Zabaleta, Balbuena, Diop, Cresswell, Rice, Yarmolenko, Noble, Snodgrass, Felipe Anderson, Haller.

Subs: Lanzini, Sanchez, Fornals, Ogbonna, Fredericks, Martin, Ajeti.

Newcastle: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez, Lascelles, Clark, Willems, Almiron, Hayden, Shelvey, Saint-Maximin, Joelinton.

Subs: Dummett, Carroll, Gayle, Krafth, Darlow, Matthew Longstaff, Atsu.

Referee: Stuart Attwell (Warwickshire)

5 minutes gone... Newcastle in the ascendency... they had the first corner after Noble's defensive prowess saw him run the ball out of play...

pretty much odds on that Carroll will come on at some point and score the winner...

A midfield of Rice and Noble just isn't good enough to deal with any threat

Snoddy naturally gets a start later last week's heroics...

Cresswell's looping cross gets knocked out for a corner... our first of the game.

No Ogbonna in there so we'll see if we continue let week's nonsense of never getting to a corner first...

well we do get to it first... although I'm not sure bouncing off Balbuena's shoulder for a goal kick was quite what we planned in training...

2nd corner and again Blabuena is first to get a touch... this time with a foot but he toe's it just wide of the post... so at least this shows an improvement from last week but the over all play is still as slow and easy to read as ever...

Diop goes in the book for tripping a Newcastle player right on the edge of the box

these days thanks to VAR you kinda get scared even at a throw in in case some nerd in a basement somewhere determines that it should actually be a penalty... but free kick just outside the corner of the area it is...

and then we all just stand there and watch as Newcastle head it back into the box from the far post and no one seems even the slightest bit bothered or interested in dealing with the player in the middle of the 6 yard box who then heads uncontested past a standing still Roberto...


fupping hell... 16 minutes gone and we're a goal down at home to one of the worst teams in the country...

another newcastle corner... can we off this one up ss badly as the last...

and the answer is yes... we can...

totally different corner... this time they play it out then out again... then the third man makes the long cross back into the box as we all come running out like scared rabbits...

there's one Newcastle player running in... Roberto comes to try (I guess) to get the ball but the Attacker gets to it first and the ball sails into an empty net...

as ever... West Ham are the gift that keeps on giving... - first time this season that Newcastle have scored 2 goals in a game...

we are absolutely hopeless... if we looked and performed badly the past few weeks... this is taking it to a whole other level...

and it should be 3-0 as Newcastle go one on one with Roberto but decide to kick the ball straight at him.

It's only November... it's only 24 minutes gone... this is going to be a lon, long, long old season...

Here's the Guardian's view of the calamity unfolding before our very eyes...

GOAL! West Ham 0-1 Newcastle

Premier League: Ciaran Clark puts Newcastle into the lead with a goal in the 16th minute at the London Stadium.



GOAL! West Ham 0-2 Newcastle

Premier League: West Ham goalkeeper Roberto is stranded as he comes for a cross he had no chance of intercepting, allowing Federico Fernandez to score Newcastle’s second.

The BBC puts a little more effort into their journalism...


GOAL - West Ham 0-1 Newcastle
Ciaran Clark
VERY promising indeed! Newcastle have scored for the second match running - and again it is a defender who puts them ahead.

Jonjo Shelvey swings the free-kick deep to Joelinton who heads back across goal to the waiting Ciaran Clark.

The Republic of Ireland international outjumps his marker and thumps in the opener. Pandemonium in the away end!



GOAL - West Ham 0-2 Newcastle
Federico Fernandez
Howay the lads! Another set-piece, another goal from a Newcastle defender.

Jonjo Shelvey goes short, Jetro Willems goes long and Hammers keeper Roberto goes walkabout. What's he going?

That allows Federico Fernandez to outjump the Spaniard and head into the empty net.

such a slow, languid build-up that you'd think we're either posing for a still life drawing class or the TV has switched to slow motion... there's just no energy or dynamism to our play at all...

and surprisingly it goes nowhere...

Pelligrini looks well pissed - as he should... but it's not like this is a momentary aberration... this has been week in week out for at least the last 5 games...

there's been an international break... no shortage of times to see the problems and put them right... but we're getting worse... week by week... the players trot out the same tired excuses and platitudes... oh we'll try better, we know we under performed... and then the UNDER PERFOM from that baseline...


Bournemouth beat Man Utd this morning... Villa are leading Liverpool... and we're LOSING at home to Newcastle...

Haller gets chopped down from behind... must have come as a surprise to him because you'd be forgiven for thinking he'd been left in the dressing room given the lack of involvement in the game so far..

as I write that Newcastle go one on one with Roberto again and somehow manage to miss two open goals... boos are ringing out around the stadium... ten minutes before the whistle even goes for half time...

judas priest... it was Anderson making a desperate dive across the open goal to save one of those attempts... yes... one of our forwards got back to save us quicker than almost the entire defense...

this is just appalling... even by our recent standards...

at least the BBC makes entertaining reading (unless you're one of us)

West Ham 0-2 Newcastle
Newcastle have scored as many goals in 22 minutes as they had the previous 590...

24 mins
Post update
West Ham 0-2 Newcastle
And it could be three! My, oh, my. West Ham cut open easier than the beef at your local Sunday carvery, Allan Saint-Maximin tucking in.

The Frenchman is clean through on the Hammers goal, only to hit Roberto's trailing leg as he tries to slip it past low,


29 mins
Post update
West Ham 0-2 Newcastle
Declan Rice is trying to direct the home side with the same precision and speed as the conductor of the brass band we saw before kick-off. West Ham's band are not on the same page though.


31 mins
Post update
West Ham 0-2 Newcastle
Manuel Pellegrini looks stunned as he sits motionless on the bench. The expression of a bloke who's just found out the company he's just invested £100,000 in has gone bust.


34 mins
Post update
West Ham 0-2 Newcastle
..but it is more likely that another goal will come at the West Ham end. Newcastle slice them open again through the pace of Allan Saint-Maximin... this time, surely? No!

West Ham keeper Roberto stands up again to block the shot from the Frenchman's shot, who gets another chance and unselfishly squares to Miguel Almiron.

Surely? No! Blocked again...

I predict a chorus of Boo's at the half time whistle...

ooh... an Anderson cross brings out an overhead kick from Haller (who must've just realized he is actually part of there starting 11) but it's straight at the keeper and easily saved...

there's no one touch football on display here... even the we do try to play a series of passes together, the players are completely at odds with each other and Anderson plays a nice zinging ball... straight out of play...

oooh....

Snoddy corner brings out a leaping header form Balbuena which requires a good one handed save to tip it past the post...

we do nothing form the follow up...

2 minutes of added torture to end this 45...

fupp me... what can Pelligrini even say to this bunch?

yup... there are the boo's... the comms calls them 'jeers' but there's nothing even slightly jeering about the noise... it's pure disgust at what's been on offer...

first half over... pretty much game over... fupping season over at tis rate...

will the introduction of Lanzini make a difference?

not so far...

Newcastle free kick... straight into the corner of the net...

Shelvey hits it... Roberto fails to stop it...



we are well and truly fucked...

So... Noble and Yarmolenko get subbed...

Lanzini and Ajeti come on and we 0-3 down in less than 5 minutes...

we could lose this to double figures the way we're playing.

The BBC has a succinct way of putting things...


51 mins
GOAL - West Ham 0-3 Newcastle
Jonjo Shelvey
Game over.

oh... and in all the excitement... not only did I forget whether I fired 6 shots or only 5... but I forgot to mention that as I was making me cuppa... Newcastle had the ball in the back of the net but it was ruled offside...

more from the BBC... I can barely be bothered to comment...

51 mins
GOAL - West Ham 0-3 Newcastle
Jonjo Shelvey
Game over. Jonjo Shelvey finds the postage stamp with a precise flick of the right brush. Stunning stuff.

The Romford lad, on the West Ham books as a kid, races up to the opposite end of the pitch to celebrate with the jubilant away fans.

Hammers keeper Roberto gesticulates at something... you should have saved it, fella.


52 mins
Post update
West Ham 0-3 Newcastle
Steve Bruce can't believe his eyes! Newcastle have scored three goals for the first time since he took over.



53 mins
Post update
West Ham 0-3 Newcastle
Ironic cheers from the home fans as Roberto gets his hands on a long-range shot from Miguel Almiron. Ouch.




and those three posts pretty much sum up the game... what a half time team talk that man must've given...

what's even more pathetic is that we've had 68% of the possession... I appreciate it takes time to pick the ball out of the back of the net... but even so...

we are just beyond clueless at this point...


Anderson plays the ball to Haller... who then plays it straight back to a Newcastle player...



wait a mo' the BBC says Noble and Yarmo came off... but Yarmo just miskicked a ball out there...