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A bit of innocent religion coming up ...
One of our archbishops decided to experience the sailing of a cruise liner to New York. On arrival, he was surrounded by reporters. The first question came from a real tough Brooklyn reporter, who blatantly asked him if he was going to visit any of New York’s infamous strip clubs.
The archbishop thought carefully before answering:
“Are there any strip clubs in New York?”
The next day’s headlines:
“ARCHBISHOP’S FIRST QUESTION IN THE U.S.A. – ‘ARE THERE ANY STRIP CLUBS IN NEW YORK’ “ …!
Two bishops were in London to attend a week’s synod at Church House. They were talking about how to present the next day’s conference. It was an awkward topic - pre-marital sex.
“For instance’ said one bishop, “I never slept with my wife before I married her. Did you?”
“I can’t remember” said the other bishop. “What was her maiden name?” …
A vicar thought that a spot of modern advertising for his church wouldn’t do any harm. So he put up a big poster with the slogan:
“If you are tired of sin, please step inside”
The next day, he saw scribbled in big letters underneath “But if not, telephone Henley 29591” …
A young man about to be married asked the vicar whether he had any stromg objections to sex before marriage”.
After hesitating a moment, the vicar replied:
“No, not really. So long as it doesn’t keep the wedding guests waiting” …
A vicar lost his bicycle and suspected someone must have stolen it. So he let on that next Sunday he would read out the Ten Commandments, and pause significantly after number 8 ‘Thou shalt not steal’. He asked the verger to watch the faces in the congregation to see if he could spot anyone looking guilty.
But, after the service, the verger said to him:
“But you never stopped at all at the eigth commandment!”
“No, I didn’t. That’s because when I read out the 7th commandment I remembered where I had left my bike”.
A priest was visiting a primary school.
“I’ll give 20p to the boy or girl who can tell me who I am” he proclaimed.
A small boy said timidly “Please, sir, you are God”
“No, I am not” replied the priest in a gentle soft voice – "but here’s a pound for you” !!
One of our archbishops decided to experience the sailing of a cruise liner to New York. On arrival, he was surrounded by reporters. The first question came from a real tough Brooklyn reporter, who blatantly asked him if he was going to visit any of New York’s infamous strip clubs.
The archbishop thought carefully before answering:
“Are there any strip clubs in New York?”
The next day’s headlines:
“ARCHBISHOP’S FIRST QUESTION IN THE U.S.A. – ‘ARE THERE ANY STRIP CLUBS IN NEW YORK’ “ …!
Two bishops were in London to attend a week’s synod at Church House. They were talking about how to present the next day’s conference. It was an awkward topic - pre-marital sex.
“For instance’ said one bishop, “I never slept with my wife before I married her. Did you?”
“I can’t remember” said the other bishop. “What was her maiden name?” …
A vicar thought that a spot of modern advertising for his church wouldn’t do any harm. So he put up a big poster with the slogan:
“If you are tired of sin, please step inside”
The next day, he saw scribbled in big letters underneath “But if not, telephone Henley 29591” …
A young man about to be married asked the vicar whether he had any stromg objections to sex before marriage”.
After hesitating a moment, the vicar replied:
“No, not really. So long as it doesn’t keep the wedding guests waiting” …
A vicar lost his bicycle and suspected someone must have stolen it. So he let on that next Sunday he would read out the Ten Commandments, and pause significantly after number 8 ‘Thou shalt not steal’. He asked the verger to watch the faces in the congregation to see if he could spot anyone looking guilty.
But, after the service, the verger said to him:
“But you never stopped at all at the eigth commandment!”
“No, I didn’t. That’s because when I read out the 7th commandment I remembered where I had left my bike”.
A priest was visiting a primary school.
“I’ll give 20p to the boy or girl who can tell me who I am” he proclaimed.
A small boy said timidly “Please, sir, you are God”
“No, I am not” replied the priest in a gentle soft voice – "but here’s a pound for you” !!
