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An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.
"Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back hame. Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, that's nuttin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
"Wow," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"Not me, myself, personally, no," said the Irishman "but it happened to me sister!"
...................................................
Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police". Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus and looking very worried.
"What the hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies "I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy" whereupon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You fupping idiot Mick, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!".
...................................................
Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.
Afterwards, Paddy says, "That was fupping great! I wonder how the girls got on."
.................................................
Paddy was sitting on a bus when a young blonde started breast feeding her baby. "Come on, eat it all up or I'm going to give it to that man over there," she said.
Ten minutes later she again tried to feed the baby. "Come on.....or mummy is going to give it to that man over there," she said. Paddy just carried on reading his newspaper.
Another ten minutes goes by and the blonde picks the baby up again. "Oh for fupp's sake," says Paddy, "make your fupping mind up - I was supposed to have got off three stops ago."
"Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back hame. Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, that's nuttin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
"Wow," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"Not me, myself, personally, no," said the Irishman "but it happened to me sister!"
...................................................
Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot. Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police". Mick duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus and looking very worried.
"What the hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!" to which Mick replies "I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy" whereupon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You fupping idiot Mick, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!".
...................................................
Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.
Afterwards, Paddy says, "That was fupping great! I wonder how the girls got on."
.................................................
Paddy was sitting on a bus when a young blonde started breast feeding her baby. "Come on, eat it all up or I'm going to give it to that man over there," she said.
Ten minutes later she again tried to feed the baby. "Come on.....or mummy is going to give it to that man over there," she said. Paddy just carried on reading his newspaper.
Another ten minutes goes by and the blonde picks the baby up again. "Oh for fupp's sake," says Paddy, "make your fupping mind up - I was supposed to have got off three stops ago."
