Swansea vs WHUFC -- March 3rd 2018

I'll save you the tales of me living in Cardiff and heading down to the Vetch on a blustery & rainy night to watch us get completely rolled over...

let's look at how the weekend games could/should go for us...


Burnley vs Everton
fupp me... how are we this late in the season and we're 4 points behind Everton and 7 (yes, SEVEN!) points behind Burnley???
I guess just in terms of the points difference... we got to go with a Burnley victory to keep the Toffees somewhat in our sights... but ultimately I don't think we'll catch either so this kinda means nothing to us.

Leicester vs Bournemouth
fupp me... I know... I know... how are we this late in the season and we're BEHIND Bournemouth and Leicester??? I mean... seriously? Leicester have to win... that keeps Bournemouth within two points from us and even gives us a chance to leapfrog them if we can turn over the Swans.

Southampton vs Stoke
Jesus H... finally... we find a couple of teams that are actually below us... but in many ways that makes this game even more dangerous and important for us.
A Southampton victory puts them on level terms with us if we don't return from Jack City with some points... and a Stoke victory puts them only a point behind us. I think we have to go for a Soton victory just to try to consolidate Stokes place in the relegation zone.

Swansea vs West Ham
Of course, there's only one result that's needed or wanted here. West Ham... three points.

Tottenham vs Huddersfield
This has to be a Spuds victory and by as many as they can manage. We're currently level on points with Huddersfield (I know... I know... what kind of stupid upside down world are we living in???) and the only saving grace is that Huddersfield's goal difference is as shit now as ours used to be... so we got to at least keep that cushion between us.

Watford vs West Brom
I would actually like the Brummies to win this one. It won't help them or save their season... but it might help us catch or even overtake Watford (I know... I know...)

Liverpool vs Newcastle
The 'Pool need to get this one. Hopefully if they do and we can turn over Swansea, that will put us 4 points above the Geordies.

Brighton vs Arsenal
We need the Arse to win this... we're actually... yes, etc, etc... But the Arse are terrible these days... can they even hope to manage a road win against the south coast powerhouse that is... (I know... I know...)

A must win game (again) I've always thought we play shite when tbis sort of weather is about and with all our foreign johnnies not used to the cold and a bit of snow this could be a real slippery one. The good point is the conditions are the same for both sides, and if the battling irons turn up we could get a result. If the mamby pamby irns turn up it could be a disaster.

all right... all right... I overslept a little.. only 5 minutes or so but was then watching the game nin bed on me iPad (oh how I love living n the future) but did decide to get up and crawl out to the lounge to watch on the big screen...

so what have we missed?

well.. the Swans are a goal up after 5 minutes... a real slow motion grass cutter from about 25 yards out crawled into the bottom corner past Adrian's outstretched hand...

so there's that...

biggest talking point so far other than how pants we are is Reid.

probably about 10 minutes of injury time to come. We had 8 players in the box but still let Swansea ping it about between them before Declan Rice manfully saves off the line... but in the process, Reid got injured and it was the ensuing time taken to patch him up and cart him off on a stretcher that convinced me to get my ass out of bed, make a pot of coffee and here we are...

Bit or argy bargy betwixt Ayew and Noble... - he's showing lots more passion than he ever did for us... no surprise if he scores...

it's another Swansea corner... oh shit... it's actually a Swansea goal...

31 minutes gone... maybe an hour of injury time...

we're 2 goals down...

8 west Ham players in the box and Swansea still get a free header...

I don't think we've managed one attack yet...

anyone who thinks Moyes is the answer or that this team is safe from relegation needs to pass me some of what they're drinking...

It's pretty much Liverpool bad at the moment...

I despair, I really do. 

Did Moyes tell the team it was a must win today?

maybe being treated for injury counts as possession... because otherwise I'm struggling to see how we've managed 58% of the possession so far as the BBC is claiming.

Comms are saying how terrible and lackluster we are... and they're not wrong...

Everyone excused last time out as 'well Liverpool are great' - wonder what they're gonna hide behind this time... because Swansea are nothing... but as usual, we're making the opposition look like Barcelona

Jiggs wrote:I despair, I really do. 

Did Moyes tell the team it was a must win today?

Moyes is fupping useless... when will people understand that?

anything he's done that look good is more luck than judgement

The TV is claiming we're now up to 60% possession... I don't see how.

a meandering attack - I'll call it attack for shits and giggles... comes to nothing as Arnie just loops in and the keeper gathers...

we have Arnie.... Lanzini... Chicharito... 60% possession... and we're being taken to the cleaners...

The BBC sums it up rather politely...

"What a strangely flat and dismal West Ham performance this is - and in such an important game at the late stage of the season, too."

Byram is on for Reid btw who is in hospital.

If the Swans score another - and it looks on the cards - it'll be the tenth time this season we've conceded 3 or more...


10 minutes of injury time...

the goal scorer K.I.S.Y. is left completely open at 25 yards out... everyone yells shootout and he does... fortunately he's not as accurate with the ball off the ground but that could easily have ben 3...

we gave the ball away in midfield and not one player was anywhere near him...

we just seriously have no clue

ooh... we get a corner...

could be the highlight of our season...

well, it didn't result in a Swansea goal so that's was nice...

but we hd no chance... Swansea had all the touches... but they get to attack us...

our 8 behind the ball policy seems to involve nothing more than just standing back and watching the opposition... perhaps we're looking for clues as to how the game is played.

and there we go... end of the first half of a "totally one-sided game" as the comms describes it

Antonio is coming on... in place of...Evra... not sure why he didn't start... he scored with his first touch last time out...

blimey... 2 West Ham attacks in the first 57 seconds of the 2nd half...

2 draws and 76 defeats... yes ladies and germs... that our record when being behind at half time in the Premiership.

stats courtesy of the TV comms...

Swansea corner

and there you have it... King on his first start... gets the goal...

Swansea are now above us in the table...

We are only three points above Palace in the relegation zone...

it's only Soton drawing and Huddersfield losing to Spuds that's stopping this from being a complete disaster... but let's be honest... this is a complete disaster...

oooh... 2 corners... we get points for that, right?

predictably the 2nd corner ended up in Swansea attacking after Kouyate got caught in possession.

if you're reading this instead of watching the game - you're doing yourself a favor

awesome... Swansea attack.... we're all over the place...
Andre Ayew runs in behind Kouyate and bam... penalty...

his brother steps up to take their first penalty of the season and we're 0-4 down with Swansea on course for their biggest win of the season...


we got nothing...

no pride

no hope

no clue

sorry... got bored and was looking around the internet...

18 minutes to go...

thoroughly embarrassing

So Ginge didn't even make the subs bench?


Andre Ayew goes off to a standing ovation...

you can't make this stuff up...

oh fupp me...

as I type that... Antonio scores.

3 minutes to go...

we got nothing... which is exactly what we deserve to get out of this...

8 goals conceded in two games...